grace, Inspiration, Kids, Life is beautiful, mommy blog

Some Days I Mom So Hard…

Today was Ava’s school Mardi Gras parade. It was also a day of Ben’s pre-LEAP testing. And I had to work. But I got off to watch the parade, intent on going back.

As I arrived at school, my cell phone rang and it was the school. Ben had a headache. I checked him out and we watched the parade. Then we needed to pick up his prescription for his adhd meds from the doctor. Then he came to work with me for a bit.

We dropped off his prescription at the pharmacy and picked up Ava, only to learn that there’s an outbreak of head lice in her grade. 😳

So I spent my evening screening & preemptively treating my kids (& myself) for head lice. So far so good, we’re clear, but we’re laying on the tea tree oil and stuff. I convinced Ava that it was spa day and we deep cleansed & then deep conditioned. To be fair, we pretty much smell like we walked out of Aveda. I wonder what the difference between lice preventer and fancy shampoo really is…πŸ€”

Then, after throwing dinner together, I finally plopped on the couch for a minute, next to Ben and before I knew it, he was sleeping soundly.

As I picked him up to take him to bed, he patted me and said, “you’re the best mommy. I love you.” ❀️

There were so many times today when I was overwhelmed but I didn’t quit. And the reason I didn’t quit is because of Ben & Ava. I’m benandavasmom. And they will need me forever. Almost as much as I need them.

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Inspiration, Kids, Life is beautiful, mommy blog, Uncategorized

Stroke your own ego

“Stroke your own ego,” I whisper to myself in the morning. Mornings are hard for me. A lot of people have a particular time of day that’s tougher than other times of the day. Mornings, to me, can be a reminder of all of things I didn’t do yesterday and everything I need to do NOW. Do this. Do that. Do this. And don’t be late.

Mornings are when every naggy voice from my past speaks up and tells me how and why I’m gonna fail. And every gloaty doty on social media is talking up their manufactured lives. Mornings are when two cranky, hungry bellies are whining about not wanting to go to school and I’m praying to myself that there are no traumas between the time we wake up and when I drop them at school.

So…mornings can be when I’m at my most broken. They’re when I feel the most alone. That’s one reason I started doing morning live videos. And they’re when I sit aside just a few seconds to stroke my own ego.

See…I used to spend time sending good mornings to people…and sometimes I still do but I found that it was disappointing when no one responded and there were days when literally no one did. It wasn’t their fault. We’re all busy. And it was a silly thing to do. I’ve learned you can’t spread sunshine in hopes of getting sunshine back. It’s gotta come from within. Like happiness and pancakes.

So instead of worrying about others, I started spending a bit to point out good things going on with me. And…it’s helped me. It’s like meditation, only quicker. It’s a tiny bit of gratitude that I can give myself. It’s serenity and grace and all of that good stuff.

So yeah…that’s what I recommend…especially on days when it feels like everything is crap and you’re just a plunger. Stroke your own ego…bc sometimes nobody will do it for you.

Inspiration, Kids, Life is beautiful, mommy blog, Music, Uncategorized

Life is an adventure.

As I was typing the headline of this post, I realized that I finally have taught my predictive text feature most bad words that I use…bc when I went to type “adventure”, I accidentally hit, “as” instead of “ad” and the third predictive choice was a**hole.

But life’s not an a**hole. It’s definitely an adventure. And tomorrow my sweet little girl will have both her first guitar recital AND then her first sleepover. Adventures will be aplenty, I’m sure.

Yep. I’m hosting a little girl’s sleepover…at my condo. If you know me, you know that’s a pretty big deal because I’m crazy private and my house is perpetually messy. It wasn’t always…I used to be pretty tidy, & I’m gradually getting back to that but…the past year or two have been interesting, to say the least. Life’s been both an adventure and at times also an a**hole. And especially over the past year or so I think I kind of pack ratted myself into a rut where basically I didn’t want to let anyone in. Not in my house. Barely in my life. I’m skittish by nature. I’m weird. And yet I have this uncanny knack for seeing the best in people who have no good at all in them…it’s a blessing and a curse and it just about made me lose my faith in people. Myself included.

But then something happened. At my worst, at my lowest, I managed to meet the most amazing man. And you hear it said that sometimes people’s eyes meet and the world just sort of stops spinning…and I’d thought I’d even possibly experienced that before, but no. Not even close. When my eyes met Michael’s, it was like I was finally home. And I just knew he was going to play a big part in my life. Skittish as I am, I wasn’t sure exactly how, but I guess when you know, you just know.

Anyway…yeah, despite my past endeavors, I never really believed anyone would or could ever really love me correctly. I was kind of born into the idea that I was hard to love and had been told on more than one occasion that I wasn’t the worth the trouble.

But I also grew up on fairy tales and a tiny little part of me never lost hope that there was somebody out there for me…bc I mean, I knew good men existed, I was raised by one. And one day, clad in leather, covered in dirt and sweat, I met my Prince Charming.

It took a bit to get used to, even though we were pretty much inseparable from the start. I really am not the easiest person to get close to, but Mike has been patient. He gets me. He handles me beautifully, in full Merp-mode.

And…I’ve managed to let him into my life in ways I didn’t think I was really capable of. I don’t second guess what I text him. I don’t sugarcoat things. I’m just me. And he lets me and we fit together.

But I digress…back to this whole sleepover thing. No one outside my immediate family (& yes, this has included my amazing, Prince Charming boyfriend) has been allowed inside my house in nearly a year. I think I kept it messy on purpose…but tomorrow, I’m hosting little giggly girls…& I’m done being a packrat recluse.

I’ll always be a little messy. My life hasn’t gone as planned. But…it’s beautiful. And it’s definitely an adventure. And I’m so very thankful for where it’s led me. I never dreamed I’d actually be happy or really be loved. But here I am. I am so lucky and so loved and I am in awe of the wonderful adventure my life is turning out to be.

So…bring on the seven year olds. I’m ready for new adventures and new beginnings and…all of the wonderful stuff that lies ahead. πŸ’•πŸ’«